I remember looking at people and wondering if I’d ever feel normal again. If I’d ever laugh without forcing it. If I could rest without fighting it. If I could feel at peace without questioning it. There were several months of restless nights where my heart was beating out of my chest. Feeling isolated, unprepared, and alone. I tried all sorts of tips, tricks, self-help, and nothing worked. I was drowning in my anxiety.
I kept searching for a solution, and God brought one verse to me over and over. It was Exodus 14:14: “The Lord will fight for you, you need only be still.” I clung to the idea of God fighting for me, because I had no fight left in me. However, being “still” has never been my strong suit. So, you can imagine my frustration when I knew this was my next step.
Exodus 14 takes place when God uses Moses to free Israel from years of slavery. Moses and his people have the Red Sea in front of them, and a massive army chasing them down from behind. That’s exactly what anxiety made me feel: like I was always running and cornered. I was constantly trapped.
As I read more, I found that before God moved the Israelites’ to safety, He wanted to still their hearts. “Still” is all about a peace and confidence that God had this thing under control. God planned to split the sea and make a way through the thing they could never get around alone. And in the process, He’d show them how to trust as He fights for them.
That’s exactly what God did for me. The anxiety didn’t disappear all at once, but He made a way through. God continued to give me the strength to get past what I thought was impossible as I found “stillness” through reading His Word, prayer, and connecting with friends. There were tough days where I felt down and afraid, but I imagine the Israelites may have been scared too as they walked through with a massive water wall on each side. That’s the beauty. When God brings you through, instead of making it easy, you’re able to see His faithfulness and power all around you.
You get to be a part of the impossible.